So. Totally. Disturbing.

The other day The Wife sorted through the mail and came across something, addressed to me, that was most disturbing.

It was what looked to be a sympathy card or something. On the front there was a black and white heart with two big, goopy teardrops falling off one side, as if the heart was weeping. "Um, ok," I said. "What's this?"

"Just read it," she said.

So I opened it up and read the following disturbing message:

Lex -

Our love began with a glance across a parking lot.
You possessed me in just a few days.
I remember long drives through the countryside,
And long weekend getaways.

But the years passed, and like upholostery in the hot sun,
Your love began to fade.
And now in a time when I need your care the most,
You hit the blinker and turn away.

And while our gas tank of love may be running on fumes,
We need not go through this alone.
For if you still have a quart of tenderness left for me in your heart,
You'll take me back to the car care professionals at Firestone.

Love,
Your Car.

Ok, I don't mind telling you that with the Wife handing me this and reading those first few lines had me a bit on edge. And, for the record, I must state that I'm totally loyal to the Wife, but after reading that, I'm thinking that some freak from my past was haunting me again...bad poetry and all. Damn stalkers.

But, really...isn't this just a bit freakin' creepy? I hate to tell the people at Firestone, but I didn't get any warm fuzzies from this. Actually, it made me worried for my poor car. I'm not sure if I'd want to take it back there or not. If I did, would I have to supervise? Would they violate my poor, defenseless car when I wasn't looking? Have their way with it? Do indescribable things?

I shudder at the thought.

On the other hand, they did include some kick-ass coupons for my next oil change.

-la

Pimp My Box

I'm sitting here flippin' channels and I came across 'Trick My Truck' on CMT (yes, the Country Music Television station). Normally, I wouldn't even stop on CMT, but I kinda dig those fixemup shows.

And, it got me thinking...there should be a geek show called Pimp My Box where a band of computer geeks go around to people's houses and pimp out their computers.

Alienware, Falcon NW, and all the rest would be amateur hour compared to these guys.

The scene would be like this:

An unassuming middle-aged man sits home in his boxers and a greasy t-shirt, beer in one hand, keyboard in the other. The glow of a crappy 15' monitor illuminates the room.

All of a sudden, the door flies open and in a haze of cheap cologne and poor fashion sense, stand the PMB Krew.

"We're here to Pimp Your Box!" they yell, sportin' large hard drives, LCD monitors, high-end graphics cards, and a water-cooling system.

Of course, Mr. Unassuming has since hit the floor, thinking it was another raid. And, he's soiled himself. And, it was all caught on film. You know, for that reality TV flava we all know and love.

Yeah, maybe it's not such a great idea after all.

Bah.

-la

Failed show titles: "Pimp My 'Puter", "Trick My (USB) Stick", "Trading SCSIs", and "While Your Hard Drive Was Out".

The Bitchslap Mail Filter

My colleague and normally good-natured apl, J, called me awhile ago. Just to set this up right, he's usually a very laid-back guy. But, like me and everyone I know, he has a few pet peeves. When something gets "stuck in his craw" as my grandpappy used to say, ya better watch out.

The call went something like this:

L: ...This is Lex, can I help you?
J: Yo!
L: Yo...s'up g-money?
J: I have a request for some software.
L: M'kay. Whatchya need?
J: I need the Bitchslap Mail Filter installed on my PC. It's a mail filter that detects the dumbass stuff people do, reaches through their monitors, and bitchslaps them silly.
L: Umm...
J: I just got this 1-page PDF file from HR and it was over 2MB. I hate it when people do crap like that. It crashed Outlook!
L: It's not like it takes much to crash Outlook, dude.
J: Yeah, but they could have used smaller graphics, better compression, anything.
L: I agree...maybe we could develop The Bitchslap Filter and market it. I bet we could retire in less than a year. We'd be totally rich because EVERYONE would want one. Face it, how many times have you just wanted to spank someone's face for the stupid things they do? Me? Plenty.

And so it went...us plotting the takeover of the free world by using TBF. Just to be sure this idea was original though, I googled "The Bitchslap Filter" and came up with paydirt: nothing. So, no one has thought of it yet.

Bwahahaha!

I rule. Well, ok, my friend J rules. But I know him, so I rule too.

-la

NINJA in a can

I couldn't help but be reminded of the Office Ninja when I saw this. In fact, this could easily be one of the Office Ninja's weapons of mass distraction!

Get some today!

-la

PS I was happy to see if can be used on Imperial Walkers. Mine are always getting dust in the worst places.

Errata

Ok, I've finally recovered from my hangover last weekend. ;)

Actually, we've been out partying some more. This past weekend didn't include as much drinkage as the previous, but we did play blackjack at a friend's birthday party and I won some margarita glasses, which I'm sure will be put to good use soon.

Anyway, on with the show...

A buddy of mine from NY sent me this the other day...thought I'd share with all you sci-fi geeks out there:

---------------------
Star Wars Show To Run Long?

George Lucas' longtime producing partner Rick McCallum told the BBC that a proposed Star Wars TV series will run for at least 100 episodes.

Speaking to BBC Radio 1, McCallum said the show's writing team would soon be meeting to start on the project, which would begin filming in 2008 and be ready the same year. "Hopefully, if we can make it work and everybody's excited and watches it, we will keep on going," McCallum told the BBC.

The series will be set between Episode III and IV of the film saga and will cover the 20 years in the life of Luke Skywalker growing up. McCallum said there would be "a whole bunch of new characters" and the series would be "much more dramatic and darker." He added that it was unlikely any of the stars of the movies would be involved in the TV series.

A typical prime-time network TV show airs about 22 episodes in a season.
----------------------------------------

Also, I read today that MS is finally going to release Halo 2 for the PC. What's the catch? Of course, you knew there would be one: it will likely only run on Vista.


Finally, from the Why-Didn't-I-Think-of-This department:
Roomba Take Frogger to the Asphalt Jungle

Finis,
-la

One is not enough, two is too many...

Ok, had to scrap that last entry and revise. We threw the annual February Birthday Bash last night. Friends got together at our house and constructed homemade pizza...you know....the whole eat, drink, and be merry thing. Good food, music, and drinks flowed freely.

The most important lesson of the night: Never blog when you've been drinking.

I reread the entry before deleting it and went, "I wrote that?" I had spelled tranquility as 'trankwility'....like I'm Sylvester teh Cat or somehthing.

The thing I'm going to do right now: Go back to bed. For several hours. And drink lots of water.

Yowza.

-la

Sublime

Saw this today. Very, um, cool....as it were.

From Boiling to Frozen

Growing up as a young Lex in upstate NY, we had cold like this. Instead of throwing boiling water into the air, though, I'd dare my friends to stick their tongues to metal poles.

Or we'd have spitting contests to see how far the spit would go before it turned into an iceball.

Frozen snot after snowmobiling in sub-zero temps is always interesting, too. You just never knew whether or not half of your nose and lips was going to peel off or not when you finally did get inside. The best strategy was always to get warm and wait for the thaw. Best strategy, but messy.

-la

Cats 'n' Racks

The wife is sitting beside me surfing some of her fav sites tonight while we're watching the Oscars, when she shows me this site called CuteOverload. It's a blog about cute animals....mostly kittens and such. Of course, the last time she showed me something like this it erupted into a controvery.

I was paying more attention to the Oscars than her insistence that I look at this kitten and that one. That was until she vistited a part of CuteOverload called Cats'n'Racks (4th from the top in the Categories list).

Yes, it is what you think. This part of the site is not very, um, filled out yet. But I'm hoping that it will be soon. Especially if I can convince her to submit a picture.

Although when I suggested that, I got "The Look". You know the one.

-la

A Meditation on the Speed Limit

This is very cool.

I caught this in one of my usual haunts, Google Video.

A Meditation on the Speed Limit.

I could have done something like this when I was in grad school in Beantown. Maybe with Lance's help...or his office ninja persona.

Although, if I was going to organize something like this, my line of cars would have been a bit more, well, let's just use the term "industrial". Picture that scene from "The Road Warrior". You know the one. When Mel's kicking ass.

In reality, though, I can't picture Bostonians putting up with this for very long. Law or not. And, there would likely be guns. Little old grandmothers with pea shooters. The whole gamut.

-la

Oh, and one other comment:
Who names their kid 'Ferril'?

Dart Maps

Anyone going to Dublin, Ireland in the near future?

If so, and I know just so many of you have that in your plans, then you should check this out:

I wish they'd had one of these when I lived in ol' Beantown. I'd have known when to run to the station to catch the T. Yes, I can be so ADHD sometimes that I don't even want to wait an extra five minutes for a train. So sue me.

Bah...all of you.

-la

"To sleep, perchance to dream- ay, there's the rub." Not for this guy.

I read a headline the other day about a Vietnam man being alive for the last 30 years...without SLEEP.

Dude, come on! Where the hell do I sign up? I mean, I have chronic insomnia anyway....why can't I not be miserable after not sleeping all night...let alone the past 30 years?

You might be thinking this is some kind of urban legend or something. Can't be. After all, I saw it on the Internet, so it must be true. (Can I get an "Amen!" here people?)

While taking a break from studying the fine art of becoming a Vietnamese office ninja (see, I worked it in Lance...) I came across this article.

This guy is like Superman or something. No sleep for thirty years and he can hold his drink:

'His wife said, “My husband used to sleep well, but these days, even liquor cannot put him down.”'

It makes me wanna hop the next plane to Vietnam and party with this guy.

-la

Assorted Interesting Stuff

Due to serious time constraints this week, I'm cheating. Totally cheating. Like plagiarizing cheating. My buddy J sent this to me. I didn't even edit for comments.

Obligatory disclaimer: The stuff that appears below is not for the kids, folks. This be all-growed up-type humor.


Ultimate Showdown
http://www.ultimateshowdown.org/

The Juggernaut Bitch
http://www.fazed.org/video/embed/?id=63

Sicko Marriage Contract
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/0217062contract1.html?link=eaf

Funny, but not very original of me. Bad Lex, bad Lex...

-la