My birthday is quickly approaching. I hate this time of year. No, not for the reason that you might think. Yes, you get the "So, how's if feel to be a year older?" and from my buddies at work: "Dude, you're old!" Of course, truth be told, with the exception of one of my friends, I'm the youngest of them all. So, when they make comments like that, I just get a wry little smile, pause for a second or two (you know, for dramatic effect, and say, "Yes, yes, I'm older...but not as old as you! And, I never will be!" That's usually followed by a highly sophisticated remark such as, "Nyah nyah n'nyah yah!!!"
But, I digress.
Where was I? Oh, yes, my new idea.
The reason I hate this time of year (and, actually, this applies to Christmastime as well...) is that both that holiday in December and birthdays trigger an automatic impulse in people: the need to buy gifts. And, no matter how hard I try, I can't get them to stop. It's like when the doctor whacks your knee with that mini hammer thingamabob. And what happens? Your knee kicks up. It's a reflex. You can't stop it. People buying me gifts? Same thing. They can't help it. They feel like they are being rude or something if they don't buy me something.
"But Lex, you old Scrooge, why on Al Gore's green Earth would you not want gifts? Everyone loves gifts!"
Well, sorry, not me.
And, I understand why you do it. It's a learned response. We grow up giving gifts to people. It's just the way our society is.
And, I do it. I give gifts to my wife. I know it makes her feel good. I even buy her cards on her birthday and various other major holidays from our cats. She loves it. Me? Not so much. I don't mind giving, but I hate receiving.
"Well, that's just weird...and, well, just downright un-American!"
Um, ok.
You see, this comes from my upbringing. I used to love getting gifts. I looked forward to Christmas and my birthday to see if I'd get what I'd been wanting since the last go around.
"So, what happened?
Um, I grew up? Listen, I live a good life. I have good friends, I like my job, love my wife and kids, live in a nice house in a nice suburban neighborhood, and drive a decent car. I don't need much (ok, maybe a bit of a wardrobe update...so my wife would argue) and I try to keep things simple and not clutter up my life with stuff. Which, brings me back to my upbringing in upstate NY.
When I was but a wee Lex, I lived with my parents in a small (and I do mean small) house. Now, I hate clutter. And, so I don't like it when I get gifts from people that introduces yet more clutter into my life. So, a few years ago, I came up with a ground rule. It doesn't apply to anyone else but me. Everyone else can do what they want. This is my rule.
"So, what is it?"
Lex's Ground Rule for Gift Exchange: "Any gift Lex receives must be a consumable." No, I don't mean it has to be food, but it has to be something that can be used up. Like gift cards (I'm a BIG fan) or a bottle of wine (which my wife usually ends up drinking anyway). Or, the best consumable gift: money.
"Dude, that's cold. And wrong."
Um, ok. If that's what you think. I don't care. This is my blog and this is my rule. Not yours.
Lots of people hate gift cards because they think that no effort went into buying the gift. That just because you didn't spend hours combing the Internet or make a deficit trip to the mall, that somehow you care less about the person.
Um, ok. That's your hangup. Not mine.
Then, just tonight, I was in the shower (the thoughts flow well in the shower) this concept evolved and a new idea came to the surface. The music from 2001: A Space Odyssey started to play in my head, and the notion of instant re-gifting was born.
"What!?!" said my wife, who just happened to walk in the room as I was talking this out to myself.
Instant re-gifting. A simple concept really. Remember earlier in this post that I mentioned that when I get a bottle of wine as a gift that my wife usually ends up drinking it anyway? If you apply the concept of instant re-gifting, then upon receipt of that bottle of wine, I would just automatically hand it over to her. Merry Christmas! See, it's great!
Then, I took it even a step further. If, upon receipt of the gift, if you never even touch it...say, I direct the person giving the gift to me to hand it over directly to my wife, then, under the rules of Instant Re-gifting, I don't even have to write a thank-you letter.
Is that brilliant or what?
Yes, I know, the genius of Lex know no bounds. I'll let you know how it goes this year. I've been trying to get my family used to this concept for the past four or five years now. And, progress has been made. We'll see, though.
Well, I better go. The wife is giving me 'The Look' now.
Peace!
-la
