So. Totally. Disturbing.

The other day The Wife sorted through the mail and came across something, addressed to me, that was most disturbing.

It was what looked to be a sympathy card or something. On the front there was a black and white heart with two big, goopy teardrops falling off one side, as if the heart was weeping. "Um, ok," I said. "What's this?"

"Just read it," she said.

So I opened it up and read the following disturbing message:

Lex -

Our love began with a glance across a parking lot.
You possessed me in just a few days.
I remember long drives through the countryside,
And long weekend getaways.

But the years passed, and like upholostery in the hot sun,
Your love began to fade.
And now in a time when I need your care the most,
You hit the blinker and turn away.

And while our gas tank of love may be running on fumes,
We need not go through this alone.
For if you still have a quart of tenderness left for me in your heart,
You'll take me back to the car care professionals at Firestone.

Love,
Your Car.

Ok, I don't mind telling you that with the Wife handing me this and reading those first few lines had me a bit on edge. And, for the record, I must state that I'm totally loyal to the Wife, but after reading that, I'm thinking that some freak from my past was haunting me again...bad poetry and all. Damn stalkers.

But, really...isn't this just a bit freakin' creepy? I hate to tell the people at Firestone, but I didn't get any warm fuzzies from this. Actually, it made me worried for my poor car. I'm not sure if I'd want to take it back there or not. If I did, would I have to supervise? Would they violate my poor, defenseless car when I wasn't looking? Have their way with it? Do indescribable things?

I shudder at the thought.

On the other hand, they did include some kick-ass coupons for my next oil change.

-la