Everyone's Dyin' to Get In....

Surfing the great web way this morning, I was on BoingBoing and happened upon an interesting article on death. No, Lex is not trying to be a bummer. But, it's a natural fact of life that we'll all be worm food some day.

Anyway, the BoingBoing site lead to a link that provided a list of 20 Things You Didn't Know About Death. Pretty interesting stuff. For example, #3 states that no American has died of old age since 1951. Hmm. How do we know this? Because the gov't removed the classification from death certificates the same year? I'm thinking it was likely chaged to 'natural causes' or something similar.

After reading about the environmental impacts of being buried vs. cremation, it makes me want to have my mortal coil shipped off to Sweden to be processed by Promessa. Sounds like I'd get to be fertilizer a lot sooner and wouldn't pollute the environment. No, I'm not being all treehugger here (ok, maybe a bit), but there was a news story here in OKC last week where this woman went to visit her husband's body that was in a mausoleum, and the body in a chamber above it wasn't prepared with, well, let's just say 'proper emballming techniques' and was dripping (or maybe melting is a better word) down onto her husband. How do you even begin to think about how to clean that up? Talk about biohazard. And, well, just plain gross. The sad thing is that it didn't appear that the family of the snowman really cared whether Frosty melted or not.

I felt bad for the lady, because she probably spent a boatload of money on the casket, emballming, the mausoleum, flowers, etc. That would suck.

Well, there's bound to be some problems. After all, #20 said that over 100 billion people have died since the people were around.

Anyway, to end this on a higher note, here are a few true epitaphs:

Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery:
Here lies
Johnny Yeast
Pardon me
For not rising.

Uniontown, Pennsylvania cemetery:
Here lies the body
of Jonathan Blake
Stepped on the gas
Instead of the brake.

Anonymous in Stowe, Vermont:
I was somebody.
Who, is no business
Of yours.

In a Georgia cemetery:
"I told you I was sick!"

Margaret Daniels grave at Hollywood Cemetery, Richmond, Virginia:
She always said her feet were killing her
but nobody believed her.

Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls, Vermont:
Here lies the body of our Anna
Done to death by a banana
It wasn't the fruit that laid her low
But the skin of the thing that made her go.

Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York:
Born 1903--Died 1942
Looked up the elevator shaft to see if
the car was on the way down.
It was.

In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery:
Here lies an Atheist
All dressed up
And no place to go.

Well, time to kill this entry. (Sorry, couldn't resist.)

Stay healthy, ya'll.

-la

10,000 Reasons Why Civilization is Doomed

Nice to be back after a bit of a break. It's always good to restore the creative juices and then let loose on you all. Ok, so about 2 people read this thing. It's my own fault for not posting regularly, but, hey life happens. The wee one is getting big and I forgot how much time it takes being a new dad again. On top of it all, the older son started playing tackle football a few weeks ago. Anyone who has seen movies like Friday Night Lights or Remember the Titans or even watches the MTV reality series called Two-a-Days, knows that southern football is taken very seriously. No lie. He practices four times a week. Which, of course, means that I'm at practices 4 times a week, too.

But, as Yoda says, "Do or do not. There is no try." So, the show must go on. Anyway, enough excuses as to why the blog sometimes takes a backseat to life events.

So, on with the show.

If you ever watch more than 20 seconds of news during the day, you might think that the world is pretty much doomed and that we're all doing to die in the next 24 hours. Well, it sure makes me feel this way most of the time. Yet, it's like watching a trainwreck. You can't just look away. Sure, sometimes I do. I try to think happy thoughts. Go to my happy place. They love me there. But, then I'll wake up, the naked women will be gone, and I'm left feeling rather empty. So, what do I do? Well, usually I go in search of inspiration on the good ol' InterWeb.

Of course, this morning, that plan was thwarted when I came across this wonderful little web site. The fact that Paris Hilton came in at the top of the list isn't surprising. Disturbing, to me, however, is the fact that I learned that there is this swirling mass in the Pacific Ocean called the North Pacific Gyre that apparently has been slowly filling with garbage, specifically plastic, which then works its way into the ecosystem through ingestion by various lifeforms. Apparently, it was the Gyre that was responsible for the great Nike shoe disaster of 1990. And, because it has taken on so much garbage, the Gyre is now called the Great Pacific Garbage Patch. I wish we could clean it up. Most people, at this point, would get all treehugger bitchslap on me with a defensive "Why would you wanna waste my tax dollars on that?" Because it's the environment, stupid. Yeah, yeah, I know, there's more important stuff that should be dealt with first. Global warming, rainforests, ozone layer depletion, Paris Hilton.

And, to be honest, how would one go about cleaning up a vortex anyway, even if you could? I guess the answer would be: a really BIG net.

But, anyway, back to the list. There are some stupid entries and some that should worry you (Do not click on #62 if you are easily grossed out...after I saw that, the list lost a lot of validity for me...ok, after I saw Paris Hilton in the #1 spot, the list lost lots of validity for me.)

So, go find inspiration where you can. Like Very Funny Ads or some such place. Might not be inspiring, but it will make you laugh. That's half the battle, ain't it?

-la

Do the Humpty-Hump

I own a SUV. But, it's an old Blazer. It serves my needs, but it's starting to show it's age. I'd love to get a new SUV. I even thought about getting a Hummer at one time. No, not the Arnold Schwarzenegger old-school military-style H1 or even the barely-fits-in-one-lane H2. The H3...? Well, maybe. But I guess I wouldn't get one simply because of the stigma attached to it. It just seems like too much. Excessive. Cool, but excessive.

And, of course there's the gas mileage issue. Does the H3 really do that bad on the gas mileage? Actually, no. Not any worse than my Blazer. My Blazer, according to the specs, is supposed to get between 15-17 mpg city and 18-23 highway. Bullshit. In this heat, with the AC on full all the time? It's more like 10 city and 12 highway. I have a constant whirlpool in the tank, folks.

The Hummer H3, which then actually scores about the same as my Blazer, but has that 'he's got a pair for owning one of those given the gas prices' aire about it, is a pretty cool SUV.

But, still, owning one of those things makes a social statement. Maybe that's why I won't own one. I don't feel compelled to make any social statements with the car I drive. Other people, well, they buy the H3, and make their statements. Maybe it's a passive-agressive thing.

So, if you do decide to buy one, be warned. You're making a social statement. And, some people may not like it.

Like these guys: They hump hummers.

I'm not making this up. No one could make this up, people. Click the link above and watch the videos. It's true.

Must be. I saw it on the Internet.

-la

Inspired by Marshmallow Shooters

Just when you think you've seen it all, something like this comes along.

Wow.

-la