The Ultimate Man Toy

No, this isn't an x-rated post. Stop shielding your eyes.

Today, as I was surfing lightly on the gentle waves of the web-o-verse, I came across the Ultimate Man Toy.

Every man has an innate and primal need to take ownership of the household remote control. After all, he who owns the remote, owns the universe...er, something like that.

DirecTV has released the DirecTV Titanium Package.

And, if you don't mind, I have to interject here: Hol-ee Cah-rap.

Coming in at a whopping $7500.00 a year, you get control of everything that ever has and will appear on a TV. It also comes with 10 HD DVRs....you know, because everyone needs an HD DVR in the bathroom, the laundry room, the attic, and the basement.

Oh yeah, they even throw in a concierge service...although I'm not sure what that entails. Must mean that they come over and pry the grubby remote out of your little sausage fingers once a month and give you a good slap to see if your fat, couch-potato ass is still alive.

And, you might want to hurry. If you read the fine print, it says that Membership is reserved for a select few. Titanium is available for one yearly payment of $7,500. Available 6/28/06.

Crawl, don't walk to the nearest DirecTV dealer.

-la

What the...?

A cat reality show? You have got to be freakin' kidding me, man.

Yes, cheap, plentiful, and pathetic as it is, reality television has hit yet another new low. Watch the "contestants" of the Meow Mix House as they vie for the coveted top prize of a year's worth of Meow Mix cat food and the esteemed title of "VP of Research and Development for Meow Mix". However, instead of being voted off, patted on the butt, and told to go off and try to prosper in this cold, hard world, they are, in a much more poltically correct move, adopted by loving families. Loving families who get a year's worth of Meow Mix gratis. Have you ever priced out that stuff? It ain't cheap.

You watch, after a year, when the free grub train rolls out of the station, most of these cats will be out on their furry little butts, doomed to scrounge for scraps in alleyways and garbage cans.

I wonder if the winning cat will get a six-figure income and an executive parking spot to go with that title. Or is that handed to the person who "adopts" the cat at the end of the show...? If so, sign me up. Hell, I've got three of the damn furballs lying about Casa del Armenia now anyway. It would be nice to have one earning his keep.

-la

Mobility

The munchkin is VERY close to crawling. He's taken up sleeping on his little round belly at night and snores like a sailor. Kinda interesting, too, because he belches like one too. I swear I'm noticing a theme here.

The other day Momma was changing him and all of a sudden I hear a high-pitched scream. I run, at breakneck speed, into the bedroom from which the wail emanated, and there the wife is on the floor, covered in goo. I immediately thought of Dr. Venkman and expected her to say "He slimed me." But, alas, it was simply baby urine. I was kinda bummed, too. I was hoping to strap on my unlicensed nuclear accelerator and go huntin'.

Oh well, maybe next time. After all, we haven't hit the terrible two's yet. And, we've just now started with the closer-to-real food, which is sure to bring its own interesting, um, developments.

-la

Lazy Bastard

Yes, I haven't been posting.

"Nothing going on in your life, Lex?" you might ask.

Yeah, right. If only....

Lots going on, but mostly biusy stuff...nothing to blog about, as it were. Although, I had a great Father's Day weekend. Saw a few movies including Cars and Nacho Libre (avoid Nacho Libre...unless you're just a glutton for punishment...) and watched a few noteworthy things including the anime film, "The Cat Returns" which, despite the fact that it was about, well, cats, it was very entertaining. Also, I think this weeks's episode of Entourage was the best I've seen so far.

What else? Oh, yeah: trying not to cross the line of 'Thou shall not blog about thy workplace' I was informed last week that the guy who helps me out with the some of the admin duties around the orifice is moving on to greener pastures. Lovely. I wish him well, I really do. And, he and his wife have been trying to move back east to be closer to their respective families for some time. I'll be sad to see him go, but you gotta do what you gotta do. So, in that regard, I wish him the best.

-la