'ello Poppet....Got Pirattitude?

I think I might take off work tomorrow and celebrate.

Tomorrow is International Talk Like a Pirate Day! And, I work in a small office. So, in order to avoid becoming the office outcast, I figured I'd take the day off of work and run errands while talking and acting like a pirate.

At the grocery store:
Checkout Girl: "Did you find everything ok today, sir?"

Me: "Aye, poppet. Now bag thems there eggs all careful like, or I'll make ya walk the plank, deck wench!"

Checkout girl: "Um, ok...will that be cash or credit card?"

Me: "Avast! I will pay off this debt with gold doubloons, strumpet..."


At the bank:
Bank teller: "Can I help you, sir?"

Me: "I be makin' a bit of a withdrawal, you scurvy dog!"

Bank teller: "Well, sir, if I could just get you to fill out this form..."

Me: "Dispicable curd! Don't dare impugn me honor boy! Ye best lay me silver and gold down afore I leave your entrails for the creatures of the sea!"

Bank Teller: "Um, ok, sure thing...SECURITY!"


On the way to the police station:
Officer: "You have the right to remain silent..."

Me: "What in the name of Davy Jones kelp-festooned locker...?"

Officer: "Sir, anything you say can and will be held against you..."

Me: "Aarrr, let go of me afore I go keelhauling ye wretched son-of-a-wench..."

Officer: "Stun gun! Take him down!"


In jail (after regaining consciousness):
My wife: "What the hell happened, Lex? They told me your were going all over town acting and talking like a pirate? WTF?"

Me: "I be pillagin' and plunderin'. Tis' National Talk Like a Pirate Day!"

My wife: "Have you been drinking again? How much have you had to drink?"

Me: "Aye-aye, I be tastin' all manner of tasty rums and ales today, poppet...Davy Jones locker! Don't ye be lookin' fine today!"

My wife: "Lex, you're drunk...why don't we just get you home and..."

Me: "So ye can show me the map to ye treasure chest? Aye-aye!"

My wife: "Dammit, Lex...get in the car...."


Ok, it might not end up so well, but it would be a hell of a lot of fun. And, of course, I might not be the best pirate you've ever heard of, but, hey, you have heard of me, right?

-la

PS: Special thanks to my sister-in-law for notifying me of this holiday. Without her e-mail, I would have had to go to work instead of getting arrested. Thanks!