Tuesday, April 04, 2006

The Suspect

As anyone who reads this blog knows, I have a
new son...new in the sense that he's 4 months
old and still in the probationary delicate
phase. Once he moves past this phase
(starting about age 6 months or so) then I get
to start doing all those cool Dad things like
throw the kid up in the air and actually even
catch him sometimes.

But that, in all it's fun, could be the
underlying reason why women view men as these
big, clumsy creatures who aren't capable of
the subtleties of child rearing. The other
day, for example, I took my new kiddo to his
daycare and I picked him up from there after
work. A typical day in the Life of Lex.

However, every time I do this, I get the sense
that all the women that work in the place (and
it's always women, never men...not even the
Brokeback Mountain kind) are watching me as if
I'm suddenly going to do A REALLY BAD THING
like drop the baby on his head or something.
When I walk in the door with him, you can
actually see them move to the edges of their
seats, ready to spring into some kind of
hazy-focus slow motion action sequence where
they're yelling a deep-pitched "NOOOOOOOOOO"
as they run to stop me from doing the REALLY
BAD THING.

Of course, I've seen this before. We all do
it. Don't think so? Try letting your wife or
girlfriend play a game of Quake 3 Arena or
UT2K4 for 5 minutes while you sit and watch
over her shoulder.

Ok, now try the same experiment again. This
time you aren't allowed to say anything.

How'd that work for ya? How's the old blood
pressure? High, isn't it?

To a degree it's the same thing. The daycare
women look at me suspiciously, as if because
I'm male, I'm a caveman. Sure, I get my baby
boy to laugh by making farting sounds. And
yes, I'm working him up to "pull my finger"
jokes, but I don't think that's reason enough
for them to think, "I just know that's the
last time we're gonna see that kid," as I walk
out the door at the end of the day.

My older son, J, will be 10 this year. I've
been dealing with this for a long time now.
I'm sure my wife doesn't get this. Because,
after all, she's female, like she's
automatically part of an elite group or
something. And, no, I'm not implying in any
way, shape, or form, that I want to be a
woman. You couldn't pay me enough. No way.

Still, it would be neat to be know the secret
handshake once in awhile.

As the baby's Dad, they have to accept me by
default, but I suspect they don't like it.
But, hell, that's ok. And, just to irk them, I
will keep showing up at the daycare with the
baby once or twice a week. And, every once in
awhile, I'll toss him up in the air for
effect. You know, just to keep it
interesting.

-la

1 Comments:

Blogger Lance Manion said...

The worst part was when she switched to the rocket launcher in a crowded hallway. Man, that was ugly.

8:21 AM  

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