To Pee or Not to Pee
Ok, it's official now. I'm really a new Dad. Ok, true, RTC (Rootin' Tootin' Cowboy) was born 5 weeks tomorrow (damn!), but it's actually official now: he peed on me tonight. Ok, no big deal. I'm an adult, I can handle it. Lawd knows, I've handled worse. Still, there's something about that first baptism. I swear I heard a choir of angels and saw an ethereal glow...nope, wait, that was just the wet spot on my shirt.
So, I did what any adult would do in my position: I stripped and got in the shower.
About a half hour later, RTC was laying in his bouncy chair (a gift every new parent NEEDS...!) and I'm watching the Rose Bowl game and he lets loose with a screech as that made the cats run for cover. I look over at the wife and she says, ever so calmly, "I think he just pooped." Great...
"Ok, I got it," I say. She has to deal with this all day long. So, trying to be a good dad, and husband, I grab RTC, run a preliminary diaper diagnostic, and determine that has definitely had some output. By the time I get him to the bedroom and get his diaper off, he's finished downloading. Or so I thought. As I grab a wipe, he decides he has some more files to send. He produces enough data to prompt a yell to the wife, "Hey! Run in here! You're missing it...!" She comes rushing into the room.
"What?!?"
"Never mind, I think he's done. It was coming out like he was one of those frosting bags they use to decorate a cake..." She just gives me one of those looks. You know the one.
"What?" I ask, perplexed. She grabs the kid and walks out of the room. "Hmmph," I hear as she passes.
So, given all that, my status is now officially father of two: Spawn and RTC (other names include Pumpkinbutt, Houdini, and jellybean).
-la
So, I did what any adult would do in my position: I stripped and got in the shower.
About a half hour later, RTC was laying in his bouncy chair (a gift every new parent NEEDS...!) and I'm watching the Rose Bowl game and he lets loose with a screech as that made the cats run for cover. I look over at the wife and she says, ever so calmly, "I think he just pooped." Great...
"Ok, I got it," I say. She has to deal with this all day long. So, trying to be a good dad, and husband, I grab RTC, run a preliminary diaper diagnostic, and determine that has definitely had some output. By the time I get him to the bedroom and get his diaper off, he's finished downloading. Or so I thought. As I grab a wipe, he decides he has some more files to send. He produces enough data to prompt a yell to the wife, "Hey! Run in here! You're missing it...!" She comes rushing into the room.
"What?!?"
"Never mind, I think he's done. It was coming out like he was one of those frosting bags they use to decorate a cake..." She just gives me one of those looks. You know the one.
"What?" I ask, perplexed. She grabs the kid and walks out of the room. "Hmmph," I hear as she passes.
So, given all that, my status is now officially father of two: Spawn and RTC (other names include Pumpkinbutt, Houdini, and jellybean).
-la
posted by Lex Armenia at 7:49 PM
1 Comments:
Why is that when a kid pees on someone it's cute, but when I start hosing down the executive staff, I get arrested? There's a serious lack of justice there.
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