Rock You Like a Hurricane (NOT A KATRINA RANT)

Yes, I'm trying to play catch up. I've been lax, it's been a long week, and I'm still not feeling 100%. Getting better every day, though. Whatever it was knocked my dick in the dirt there for awhile.

-------------

So, the other night I'm heading down to my room for bed. I walk into my office first to drop something off. When I emerge, shutting the door behind me, it's dark because the hall light is not on. The wife installed some nightlights in the hall so there was a bit of illumination, but much. All of the cats were huddled in the front of the laundry room paying particularly close attention to something on the floor.

Of course, Jack, being the alpha cat he is (because he's SO DAMN COOL), was taking lead. My first thought was, "Houston, we have a spider!" But, when I flicked on the hall light, I was surprised to see not a spider, but a scorpion.

Ok, ok. First, understand that this is a BRAND NEW HOUSE and that I was as shocked as anyone. But, this is, after all, the great South (or Southwest, depending on who you ask). This is where the damn things live. I just don't want them living in MY house.

So, I yelled for the wife to waddle downstairs as quickly as she could. I needed help cat wrangling before one of them got stung. Actually, I was most worried about Jack. He tends to charge in without thinking about things like consequences.

By the time she had arrived, I had grabbed Jack and tossed him into a bedroom and closed the door, but then Teekers decided he'd have a go at it. After all, if Jack can do it, why can't he? (Because you're NOT an alpha cat...you're more like a Tau or Upsilon cat...)

The wife grabs Teekers; Mango knows enough to stay away. He's old and has been around the block more than once. He knows this isn't worth the hassle.

I then grab the closest thing that I can find, which happens to be possibly the worst weapon on the planet: a plastic cup. I use the cup's rim to try and squish the scorpion and succeed in only pissing it off. Luckily, this is a little one. I don't want to use the word "baby", because it conjures an image of me as a giant squishing a baby. Ok, I admit it: that's probably exacly what I was doing.

I manage to scoop the scorpion into the cup. At which point, the wife states, "don't taunt me with it!" Taunt? Well, I hadn't considered it, but since you brought it up: . I then took it to the bathroom and dumped it into the toilet. She wanted to look again at this point. "Hmm...doesn't look too threatening now." Gotta make sure it isn't coming back to bite an unsuspecting toiletgoer in the tushie. (Yes, I know. I've seen WAY too many horror flicks. But it doesn't mean that kind of thing would happen. It would. To me. Ok, you can go away now.)

Aftermath:

I spent the next 20 minutes searching the cracks and crevices of the downstairs with a flashlight looking for scorpion kin. I honestly expected to find at least one more. Don't they travel in pairs or something? Nothing.

Needless to say, I didn't get that much sleep that night. I think the only reason I got some because I knew that Jack was keeping watch. He was ticked off when I let him out of the room and he discovered his prey had vanished. He wasn't about to let another slip by. But, that's just the way he is because he's SO DAMN COOL.

-la